The holidays bring out stress in the best of us, and for caregivers, emotions can run especially high. In a survey by the American Association of Retired Persons, nearly seven out of 10 caregivers reported feeling stressed during the holiday season. When you consider that one out of every two Americans 50 and older are caregivers in some form, that’s a lot of added seasonal stress!
Any number of events can cause that sense of anxiety: changes in routine, hosting and planning expectations, loneliness, resentment, grieving past memories, concerns about being judged by family members, financial stressors and the list goes on. Add to that the societal pressure for family gatherings and holiday happenings to be merry and bright, and it’s easy to feel like Scrooge.
If you, or a caregiver you know are feeling overwhelmed and/or under-appreciated, it’s important to remember that there are steps you can take to alleviate some of that tension. Below, you’ll find advice that may help take the edge off the holiday blues or at least help normalize those non-festive feelings.
- Sort out the primary sources of your stress. Are you anxious about communicating how your loved one’s health has changed? Are you overwhelmed because you’re juggling too much? Are you feeling burned out and dreading the holidays? Are family traditions feeling burdensome or sad? Consider what areas feel the most taxing right now, and think about ways to either ask for assistance or make changes to lighten your load. Or, if you’re simply feeling a sense of general sadness, give yourself permission to feel the feelings.
- Communicate your emotions if you think it will help. No one can really know how you’re feeling unless you tell them. Let your inner circle of friends and family know if you’re feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, resentful or depressed. An open-hearted and open-minded conversation could be what you all need to air grievances and move forward. They may even have suggestions that could help you feel better.
- Keep celebrations simple. Maybe in the past, you’ve decorated the house to the nines, shopped for all the meals, bought and wrapped all the gifts weeks in advance, cleaned the house from floor to ceiling and still had time to volunteer at your favorite local charity. Well, that doesn’t have to happen every year. Remember, it’s not your responsibility to bring the holiday spirit to the family. That’s something that, hopefully, has taken on a life of its own, away from the sparkling décor and lavish meals. This holiday season, do what will bring you joy, whether that’s lighting candles, baking family favorites, or simply being around the people you love. Embrace relationships and time together, and don’t worry about the rest.
- Establish boundaries. Remember that you don’t have to be all things to all people. If you aren’t up for hosting visiting family members in your home over the holidays, tell them that and suggest they stay at a hotel. If there are events you’re just not up for attending, don’t be shy about setting limits. And, importantly, feel empowered in your choosing. Feeling guilty doesn’t help anyone!
- Delegate. If you’re seeing family over the holidays, odds are there will be plenty of downtime and occasions for important conversations. This is an opportunity to ask family members to help out—both in the moment, and longer term. Talk about whether you need them to accompany you to doctor visits, or step up and help with regular, ongoing tasks online or around the house. If you need repairs or chores done, make a list in advance and discuss it, in order to set expectations.
- Share what you need to regarding the person in your care. Talking about health conditions can be tricky. If family is headed to town and you want to avoid surprises about any changes or declines in health, consider scheduling a phone call beforehand, or sending a brief email or letter that lets them know what to expect. That way, they may feel better prepared for what’s ahead, and how they may be able to assist. And you will have one less thing to worry about.
- Surround yourself with support. Caregiving isn’t easy. It can be challenging and isolating. Talking about what you’re feeling can help. Today, there are many options for caregivers to connect with others. A mental health professional, for example, can listen to what you’re going through and offer tips and tools on how to navigate certain situations and relieve stress and anxiety; and you can make appointments with them in person or virtually. A support group—whether online or in-person—can introduce you to peers who are living through shared experiences. And community organizations, whether through a religion or a non-profit, could offer resources and support, as well.
- Give yourself a break. Caregivers need downtime, outings with friends and space to be themselves. Think about ways you can get away, even if just for a couple of hours. Is there a family member or friend who can help out briefly? Or are there short-term care options in your community? Even a quick break could leave you feeling relaxed and refreshed. If leaving the house isn’t possible, think of things you can do to give your brain a break, whether that’s a quick yoga session, meditation and breathing exercises or simply chatting with friends on the phone or online.
- Set a holiday budget. With rising costs and inflation, cash is tight for many people this year. Think about what you’re comfortable spending and stay within that budget. Rather than purchasing expensive gifts, consider giving homemade items or baked goods; or suggest drawing names for a gift exchange.
- Take care of yourself. Taking time to exercise and get a full seven-plus hours of sleep may feel like a luxury, but in reality, it’s a necessity. By prioritizing research-backed habits, like eating a healthy, balanced diet; finding ways to manage stress; quitting harmful endeavors such as smoking and heavy drinking and more (find additional self-care tips here) you’ll perform better at all of your other roles as a friend, family member and, yes, caregiver.
- Reflect on the good in life. In stressful times, it can help to take a step back, take a deep breath and consider all that you have. Whether you’re a list maker, a journal keeper or simply a deep thinker, ponder the little moments that make you smile, and the beloved humans who bring joy and satisfaction into your life. Because even when times are stressful, there’s a lot to be thankful for.
For many people, the holidays are neither holly nor jolly. If you’re one of those people, that’s ok. Be kind to yourself, keep your expectations realistic and don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it. And remember, this, too, will pass.
To access caregiver resources in Alabama, and to learn more ways to assist caregivers, visit our caregiver resource page: https://www.bcbsal.org/web/caregiver-resources.
