Family caregivers tend to wear many hats. They’re often the appointment makers, the drivers, the shoppers, the cleaners, the cooks, the therapists and the bill payers, among other duties. Too often, they shoulder these duties all on their own, sometimes to the detriment of their own physical and mental health.

This holiday season, as families and friends come together to give thanks, look for some opportunities to help the caregivers in your life. In many cases, they may not know how to ask for assistance, themselves. But that doesn’t mean they won’t welcome the offer.

Read on for some ideas on how to get the conversation going.

Ask them to jot down a caregiver wish list. Let them know that you appreciate all the work they do, and explain that you’re hoping to step in and alleviate some of their stress over the holidays. See if they would be willing to create a wish list. This could include assistance with home repairs, help with chores, meal delivery, shopping for new furniture or supplies, transportation to appointments or anything else that comes to mind. Let them know that you can be the point person who will share the list and coordinate activities with other family members.  

Talk to them about their seasonal stressors. The holidays aren’t merry for everyone. For some, this time of year brings back painful memories, while others just feel overwhelmed by heightened expectations and a sense of duty to entertain. Check in with the caregiver in your life to see how they’re feeling this time of year and do what you can to lighten their load around entertainment and hosting duties, among other things. Explain to them that your priority is spending quality time with one another,  in whatever form that might take, and not adding stress or obligations to their life.

Offer to pitch in year-round. The holidays are a good time to connect and assess how the caregiver is feeling in general, and then explore what more you can do to assist throughout the year. Rather than making broad, non-specific offers, such as “Let me know how I can help,” take the time to hone in on specific actions that could make a difference. For example, maybe you could come over weekly or monthly to give them a break, or you could help with errands or provide transportation to appointments; or maybe there’s an ongoing service you could pay for, such as landscaping or housecleaning. Perhaps you can assist with administrative work to lighten their load. When you’re able to identify the areas that will truly make an impact, you’ll both feel better for it.

Give them a break. Offer to take over caregiving duties for an afternoon or evening so that they can have time to themselves. Some caregivers may benefit from a lighthearted night out with friends, while others may cherish a quiet afternoon on their own.

Learn the signs of caregiver burnout and share resources that could help. Burnout among caregivers is incredibly common, impacting up to 60%, according to the Cleveland Clinic. Some of the signs include emotional and physical exhaustion, social withdrawal, changes in appetite and irritability, frustration or anger (see more signs here). Talk about how common burnout can be and ask if they are experiencing signs of it. Again, this is another opportunity to talk about how you and other family members can help lessen their load. It may also be helpful to research what resources are available in their community. Our Caregiver Support page is a great place to start. 

Check in. An out-of-the-blue text, email or phone call can brighten a person’s day in immeasurable ways. Find ways to let the caregiver know that they, too, are loved and cared for, and that you’re there for them, always. Repeat these check-ins often, long after the holiday season has passed.